Organization Building Starts at Home - and Defines what you do Outside of It

Are you married to your better half? In my case, I am. I had the incredible fortune of finding a life partner who accepts me, for better or worse. Over the course of our life together, I have given her plenty of both. Yet, despite the mixed bag that I offer, she still thinks as highly of me as I do of her.

She is a proverbial superwoman, mastering many roles such as wife, mother, entrepreneur, writer and futurist, just to name a few. During the pandemic, I witnessed her skills as a “mom-ager” who is transforming our sons into two very goal oriented, open minded and multi talented young men. She accomplishes all of this while building her brand as a strategist and influencer who is helping redefine the future of work.

I’m not sharing this with you to sing my wife’s praises. Those who know her best, know everything I just said to be an understatement. What never ceases to amaze me is that she feels just the same about me. Rather, I share this insight as a metaphor. Forming a relationship that is rooted in mutual respect, patience, advocacy and shared outcomes actually serves as a blueprint for building organizations and cultures that will stand the test of time. Businesses are ultimately about creating value. Our relationship has taught me that creating value starts with your values.

This is the first in a three-part series exploring how the relationships we form in our personal lives can and should determine how we show up in our professional lives. Building a strong organization starts at home.

This article explores the lessons I have learned as an individual who is also part of a larger unit.

Show up as you are not who you pretend to be

Early in my career, I was good at putting on airs. I was able to project confidence and capability even when I was the most unsure of myself. This did two things. First, it provided substantial impetus for me to quickly accelerate in my profession because I equated achievement with movement. The faster I moved, the more I achieved. Second, it ensured that I was never happy with where I was. Instead, I was always trying to be somewhere else...and to be someone else.

Becoming a husband and a father changed all that.

Suddenly, I had to be present in the moment. If I put on a facade, those closest to me would see right through it. When I became too self-absorbed, I risked losing what was most important. I realized that a lot of what I was chasing fed my ego but not my soul. Being connected with my family fuels my professional pursuits and not the other way around.

Ultimately, it taught me that if we attempt to separate who we are at home from who we are at work, we will never achieve our full potential. More importantly, it helped me reshape a faulty perception that I was defined more by what I did in my career than who I was at home. The journey seemed hollow if I wasn’t able to be my authentic self at all times.

Given that most of us spend more time working than we do tending to our personal lives, it seems intuitive that we show up the same in both environments. Yet, many of us operate with two identities. We maintain a private persona for friends and family and project a different persona in our work. We keep ourselves at arm’s length from our colleagues because anything more requires that we trust others and make ourselves vulnerable. This necessitates substantial personal commitment and investment which exposes us to risks we cannot foresee or control. Instead, we feel the need to project force at all times, which leaves us less open to meaningful growth and change.

Many years ago, I made a big course correction in my career when I realized I could not continue to operate as two different people. Although it hasn’t always been easy, I have never looked back. My life experiences and professional growth have been exponentially richer because I am able to show up as who I am each and every day. This would never have been possible without a life partner who kept me honest and chipped away at my facade until I could no longer maintain it.

There is a lesson here for companies. In order to maximize the potential of any organization, it is critical for its people to feel like they can bring the same energy, integrity and commitment to that environment as they do at home.

Appreciate the journey through the twists and turns

If you feel like you’ve got life figured out, I hate to break it to you but…

you don’t! 

There has been no more humbling role in my life than that of husband and father. Both have given imposter syndrome new meaning. Every day I uncover some nugget of wisdom that I neither inherited nor learned until that very moment. Throw in a global pandemic and it appears that controlled chaos has become the dream that we aspire to!

However, I am not alone. 

I have a partner that is dealing with the same struggle. We quickly accepted our neophyte status, first as life partners and then as parents. We began to see the challenges that would constantly arise as a shared adventure. From online learning to unexpected job transitions to sudden health issues to aging parents, life kept coming at us. Like so many others, we found ourselves overwhelmed with change. We realized that we were best able to overcome these obstacles and deal with uncertainty when we stayed curious about the things they would teach us.

Changing our perspective to see the bumps in the road as opportunities for growth and improvement has made all the difference. It has allowed us to more easily adjust to things that are outside of our control and focus on the things we can. Instead of becoming obsessively focused on where we want to be as parents, as spouses, and in our careers, it has given us a deep appreciation for where we are. Until I met my wife, I rarely took the time to take stock of what I was building and how I was building it. I was much too focused on the endgame.

What I failed to realize before she came into my life is that the journey determines the relationships we build and how we build them. Keeping an open mind, staying curious and looking to grow with others is the single biggest precursor to building a strong organization.

Enjoying the “how” is just as important as getting to the “why.” Having people that you can share the journey with, is the proverbial icing on the cake.

Keep aligned on those things that really matter

When choosing a life partner, it’s important to agree and continually reassess the BIG things. 

These are the shared life goals that keep your relationship centered on the values and aspirations which enable you to navigate the twists and turns ahead. These include careers, family, friends, faith and life stage planning to name a few. This is your strategic roadmap.

Your roadmap ensures long term alignment. It allows you to weather the inevitable storms to come. It also keeps you grounded when you start flying too high. Establishing and maintaining this alignment ensures you have a strong advocate as well as a reality check when you need it most.

Building a strong organization requires similar alignment. 

You must establish trust and shared experience by staying focused on where you want to be and not always where you are in the moment. It requires significant commitment and a certain level of selflessness to truly have someone else’s back and trust that they have yours.

At times, you have to make personal sacrifices for one another. 

Soon after beginning her own entrepreneurial journey many years ago, my wife seriously contemplated reversing course and taking a full time job when I had a serious health scare. It was not what she wanted to do but she did not hesitate to put the family first. Fortunately, our worst fears did not come to pass but it reinforced a valuable lesson:

Nothing builds trust and loyalty more than deferring your own needs and wants in support of others. 

By putting my needs before her own, my wife personified servant leadership. In the same way, by not letting individual goals and desires distract us from what we are building in partnership together, we have given each other the confidence to take risks. We can challenge the status quo in ways that promote growth without fear of retribution or retrenchment. Having a shared roadmap, gives us the ability to overcome unforeseen obstacles and stay focused on the journey ahead.

If home is where the heart is, why not bring it to work?

As human beings, our need to express and enhance our independence is innate. Yet, our greatest achievements are rarely accomplished alone. Most of the time, building anything of lasting value requires you to be an individual who is part of a larger unit. This is especially true for organizations.

Nothing equips you better than the values, passion and commitment you bring to your personal life. Nothing supports or challenges you more than those relationships we form at home. Establishing and nurturing these relationships requires showing up as you are, embracing the journey together and staying aligned where it matters most. 

What we build at home serves as the strongest foundation for what we build outside of it.

How do your personal relationships determine what you want to achieve in your professional endeavors?

Email me at jsteele@flywheelassociates.com as I’d love to hear your thoughts.